I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
