Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
