Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
