Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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