Operation Purity has been aborted
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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