No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I sprained my soul last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
