There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's never too late to be topless.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
