I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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