Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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