The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
