you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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