I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
