i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
