I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
