thus making me awesome and them whores
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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