ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
