i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
