hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
