you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
