You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
