I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
