I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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