she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
