I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
