She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
