I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
