Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
