I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
