he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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