You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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