Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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