My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
