It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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