community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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