Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I pour the whiskey from now on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
