Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Holy shit dude........stairs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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