Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She announced her abortion via fbk
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
