so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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