Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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