AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
