First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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