I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they need to just BURY HIM!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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