I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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