chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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