The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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