Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
