oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
