when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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