yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
