My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
