I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
