I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
