Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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