honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
