Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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