just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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