Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize