I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
