yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
