can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
