It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
