An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
