I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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