I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
