I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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