i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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