I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
