Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
