I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
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