the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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