This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
