If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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