we're blogging at a bar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
