I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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